Hannah's Hope Chapter Six

I am just now posting my reflections on the rest of Hannah's Hope. I had journaled on it quite awhile ago, but am just now getting to post it. Sorry for the delay! If anybody reading this blog is dealing with infertility of any form, I highly recommend this book. I feel like the author, Jennifer Saake, led me out of the darkness. :)

10/20/09

So many things have happened since I've written last. My father passed away this past July after a long and weary battle with CHF (congestive heart failure). He accepted Christ about a week before he passed, which was a much prayed for blessing. My mother is holding up much better than anyone expected and I've proud of her. My body continues to confuse and infuriate me. My past two cycles have been an exercise in frustration. I at least feel like my husband Jim and I are doing something to begin to add to our family. We have gone over our finances and have taken out a loan to begin to pay off our credit card and extensive medical debt. I at least now feel like we have a plan. We will soon be getting some budget counseling and Financial Peace program next year. I hope that our finances continue to get better so we can afford to adopt and buy a home in the not-so-distant future

Hannah's Hope Chapter Six

There was given me a thorn in my flesh... Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:7-9

This verse resonates deeply with me right now. I have so many "thorns" embedded so deeply within me: my diabetes, my depression, infertility. I continually pray that the Lord will help me be healthy and take my trials away, but it seems my prayers go unanswered. I know He hears me. If I did not suffer what kind of person would I be? I would have little compassion for others, thinking them weak and complainers. I might think myself superior to many. I know I would not appreciate my family the way I do nor would I feel the incalculable gratitude to God for my precious son, who may be the only child I am granted here on Earth. My trails are actually a blessing in disguise. From them, I have learned many lessons. I have learned to look past people's appearances and actions and not make assumptions. We do not have the right to judge anyone because we have not walked in their shoes. People should be met with love, always. It is not up to us to understand why, simply to love them. I know extensively the depth of my flaws and inadequacies. I know I am undeserving of all my blessings and am superior to no one. I have so many blessings in my life and am learning how to focus on them and not my problems. The one thing I know my trials have done for me that I value most is to bring me closer to Christ. If I had not suffered I might have not thought myself in need of salvation.